Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize