he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i will never coherently bang her
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
