i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
