xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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