How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
