you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
