we're blogging at a bar
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize