Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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