now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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