If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
