i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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