so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
