Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
