She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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