just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
