3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
