dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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