I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
