the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
