Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
