It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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