Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want to fling myself into the sun
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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