There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
