I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
