I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's shark week go big or go home
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
