i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
