Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
