Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
