I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
try to milk me bitch
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