I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
