I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
