I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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