Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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