11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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