cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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