Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
