There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
