I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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