I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
