I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
