do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
