Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
