my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
