Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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