ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
