Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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