He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
