no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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