I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize