I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
