New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
