Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
