and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
