Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
