i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
