I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
