i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
