I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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