I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize