barbara walters just said penis...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
