Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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