my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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