is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
