Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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