Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
