I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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