This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
