a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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