I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
