and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
