youre lurking in front of me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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